I am three full months early to make this proclamation but I am so ready for this year to be over. Personally, it was a very fulfilling year. Even professionally, my growth has been uncharted. But creatively, I’ve never felt this empty before.
Writing is a difficult passion to sustain. It’s like I’ve run out of stories. I can’t seem to think of interesting things to write about. I haven’t even been able to imagine anything interesting to write. My well is running dry. It’s like being a dancer and suddenly realizing that you are disenchanted with all the moves that there are. It’s like being an artist and struggling to find a scene you can paint because the ones you find, either lack luster or don’t hold your interest for long. Or a photographer, who can’t find a frame good enough to shoot. Does this feeling have a name?
Also on the web and on Facebook – I never quite know how much to share and how much to hide. Is it weird to talk about my wedding? Is it weird to always talk about professionally interesting topics? Exactly what facets of myself do I hide and reveal? Really. Life was simpler with the anonymous blogger accounts.
I’ve almost given up on amassing any creative wealth this year. Sometimes I revisit the dog-eared, yellowing pages of a haphazard but a free creative mind and I shock myself at the intensity and beauty of the prose that a ‘younger’ me had written in the past. And maybe in hindsight, an ‘older and wiser’ me will realize that the frustration, impatience and general lack of direction I’ve felt this year was perhaps, just a pause in time. A much needed pause to understand and then articulate this insanely beautiful year. Where is Sam when I need him ? That’s exactly what he’d have said. Or something better.
Ahh. Anyways, with any luck – my creative spirit will find me before the year ends.
