Archive for January, 2008
Social Thresholds
January 15th, 2008 • 2 comments Social Media
Returning back to the idea of privacy online, my friend Amit, has a very different point of view that I think is worth adding to this discourse. Our debate rose from teh idea of separating your worlds and contexts that you exist in. Here are his thoughts,
Ultimately, being completely open with all worlds, allowing them to mix, and letting your friends see you in your business contexts, and your boss see you in your personal life, is equivalent to putting faith in humanity and in yourself. It’s understanding that help and opportunity can come from anywhere at anytime, and there’s no way to predict it. And that people are at their deepest level good, that you are deserving of their attention, interesting enough, and worthy of their help, so letting them see more of you can only help you (and them) more than it hurts.
While I don’t agree with this, it is a very valid argument that deserves to be heard and discussed. I don’t agree with this thinking because to me each individual in my life exists in a different context. Your close friends cross over into different contexts of your life but for the rest, there should be no free pass. Friendships should be earned – and special benefits come with that, namely access to my full profile.
This does not mean every moment must be broadcast. There are exceptions to every rule, and times when discretion makes sense. You wouldn’t broadcast a job search while still employed, any more than I’d share minor squabbles with a significant other in a public forum.
But what a loss would it be if you didn’t share your victories and joys — the good times, if not the insignificant ones. It’s weird, this fifth relationship. There’s plenty of precedent to fall back on for relationships with your family, your friends, your coworkers, and your significant others, but most historically haven’t had to think much about their relationship with strangers. That was a problem left for celebrities. Until the Internet gave everyone a chance for microcelebrity.
I have been having this conversation in varying degrees and colors with other friends and each present a distinct, well-pontificated argument that I’d like to share with you. Every voice adds another layer to this debate and while there is no right answer, there is perhaps some weight in the idea that every individual has a social threshold (for strangers) they won’t cross. Whatever that threshold is for them – and it is different for everyone. You may be comfortable sharing your flickr gallery with everyone but not your age and your personal blog while I may be ok with having you observe me here in this space but perhaps not on facebook unless you are my friend. Does this make sense?
What’s your social threshold? What do you allow and not?
Managing online identities
January 6th, 2008 • 2 comments Social Media
I have been visiting and re-visiting the issue of online identities for a while now. I want to de-construct my view and see if I could make a coherent argument for my position.
There has been a flurry of conversations and debates online on Design Observer and NYT about anonymity and pseudo-online personalities. I’m still exploring what it all means and trying to make some sense of it, but here’s where I stand for now.
Here’s what I reason
– People like me who
are so careful about their online identities are driven by fear.
Although I should point out that while fear maybe the underlying
factor, it is not fueled by the fear to ‘hide something," but instead
‘to protect."
I strongly believe that at the very core, our online behavior
mimicks our offline behavior (bar some of the advantages afforded on
the net, mainly – anonymity) So like we do in our offline lives, our
online lives exist in various contexts and circles. Professional,
Family, Friends, Other — sometimes those worlds overlap, sometimes
they do not. To cite from personal example, my boss at the bank added
me on facebook while I was in the midst of a job search. POKE found me
on facebook in response to a post I had on a facebook group which was
easily searchable if anyone were to follow my mini-feed or simply
browsing through the groups I am a member of. I was in a dilemma
because I very well couldn’t refuse my boss but how was I to accept his
request with my private moves out open in the public? My wall-posts
that referred to my move to NYC had to be deleted – I had to inform my
friends in the know to communicate using alternate means.
Another example – when facebook opened it’s doors to the
public, my cousins, family members and other folks from India surged on
facebook and eagerly added me as a friend. Now this was a real problem
- because contextually, my cultural upbringing questioned whether my
relatives and family members should be privy to conversations (on my
wall) between me and my friends. With my background, there was no way
these two worlds could co-exist mutually on a singular online platform.
Photos, relationship status-es, Wall posts, the innocent and honest
banter on the walls — everything would be subject to scrutiny. And
again, denying these members was out of question.
And lastly – when everyone started adding each other on
facebook, I was in a daze. The change was abrupt and fast. I could
remember thinking how two months back, facebook being about me and my close friends.
And now suddenly, I had lost the context for facebook and what it meant
for me.
*I think opinions of those who are relatively new to
facebook may differ here since their knowledge about facebook’s
environments is limited to the time they have been a member of the
network.
But people like me struggled – wondering if it was rude to deny
requests? who is a friend? what constitutes a friend? Also, in a
professional world, how do you strictly keep your relationships such
but still strong enough to allow them to grow? Again, in a field where
most jobs happen via networking, I was less inclined to deny those
connections.
The answer was plain and simple – private profiles for
‘friends." and the real profile for friends. Until I can trust the
‘friends,’ – there’s no reason why they should be privy to what my
friends deserve and get out of me. It is a pain to manage that yes -
but that is facebook’s fault, not mine. I am an ordinary individual and
I’m sure there are plenty of folks like me who feel this way. So
facebook should make it easier for people like us to use the facebook
platform and satisfy the various contexts we exist in. It’s really a
simple UI issue I think. And I can guarantee you, in the future
facebook will make this possible. It’s a fine balance.
Like I said, I don’t have answers but I think I know what
motivates the desire to maintain and actively manage your online
identity. It’s an oxymoron – because ofcourse, you want to be found
when someone googles you. And professionally for me, I should be found
on the various sites (twitter, iminlikewithyou, 43things, flickr,
orkut, friendster…..etc. etc) if someone searches for me there,
simply because how can I claim to understand social media without
deep-diving into it myself? So yes, I want to be found – but I want to
be careful about what’s found about me. Atleast to the level where it
can be controlled by me.